i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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