We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
