You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
