Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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