About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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