i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
