I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
