I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
