i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
