ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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