My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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