My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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