How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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