have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
