do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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