I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
