In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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