I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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