I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
