dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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