im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
