how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
