I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
