You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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