I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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