the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
