Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
