Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my poor anus
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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