I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
