So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
