i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
