Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
