Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
