Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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