On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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