Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
