So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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