True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
