Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
