a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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