I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
