Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
