That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
