i think i have herpe
just one?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
