you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
