I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
