He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
