I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
