so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
