chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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