Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
