So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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