just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
