Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
