I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
