Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sorry about my life...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
