My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
